The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
