Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
