dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize