i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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