"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
