Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
