White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
