we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
