so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Lo siento on account of my penis...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
