A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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