I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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