Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
