just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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