Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize