I wish I only lived at night.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
