my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hippo gnu deer
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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