Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I want a musical about memes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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