trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
