Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
