I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
