My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
