i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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