On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
