you guys were way drunker than both of me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
