So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
