We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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