The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
