Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My hand turned me down
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
