I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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