You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
