Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
