He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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