Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
