You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
