THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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