the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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