oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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