I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
