do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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