I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
