That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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