I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
