I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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