some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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