hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
