Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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