he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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