I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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