the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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