did you get engaged???
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
