Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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