My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My ATM looks so different sober.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize