Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
