Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
