Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize