big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
