ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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