Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
