his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
