He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i think my cat just said my name.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
