I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
