why didn't you poke me back
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
