yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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