East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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