I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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