im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Are we still banned from the library?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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