I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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