Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
