How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
