I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
